Farm bubble II

I clearly do not understand their logic. The Saturday before Thanksgiving has traditionally been Big Game day. Two Big Games in December do not a paradigm shift make. From the whining daily editorial to overscheduled and spoiled children of baby boomers (yes, I'm a baby boomer too):

The 111th Big Game played between the Cardinal and the Berkeley Golden Bears will occur on Nov. 22 at Berkeley’s Memorial Stadium. Big Game is historically each team’s last game, but this year, Cal plays Washington two weeks later. This, however, is not the biggest scheduling error. Rather, for Stanford students, this year’s Big Game falls on the first Saturday of Thanksgiving break.

Additionally:

...Stanford should have fought for a date when more students would be in town so as to avoid a significantly diminished Big Game fan base...The first email Stanford Athletics sent regarding Big Game on Oct. 15 simply advertised a rally bus and did not warn students that Big Game falls on Thanksgiving break.

And the final straw!

It did not even mention that the game is at Cal.

At least not all is lost. In the comment section:

Please stop whining and get your butts to the game and cheer on the team. It’s Big Game! What type of students are being admitted today? This is not good a thing.

Stop your whining, Stanford students! We didn’t even get a whole week off for Thanksgiving - we got Thursday-Sunday. You couldn’t stay one extra day to go to the biggest sporting event of the year, even when you had a whole week more of vacation right after that? If you care enough to whine, you should care enough to fly out on Sunday. I’m taking days off of work to fly home for Big Game. What happened to the student body?

I couldn’t agree more. What happened to looking at the football schedule on gostanford.com?

Seriously, can’t you just look online and find out all this in 2 min? Do you ask Stanford to wipe your bottoms too?

A brief glimpse of life within the farm bubble

Raise your hands:

• How many of you knew which day Big Game is to be played this year?
• How many of you know that Big Game has been traditionally held about the weekend before Thanksgiving every year since before Memorial was built (except for the past couple of years)?
• Even if you didn't know the above, how many of you know how to look things up on the internet?

From today's farm Daily - faking news from the farm since 1892:

“Honestly, I’ve never seen any emails from Big Game this year,” ... “I don’t think the University has done a very good job of publicizing it.”

Other students feel like the problem with Big Game this year is its unfortunate timing. Many students will be home for Thanksgiving before kickoff.

“I didn’t know when Big Game would happen until this weekend,” ... “Last year, there were people everywhere talking about it. I got a lot more emails about it. I think the fact that the game is on Thanksgiving break is a reason [for that], and also it’s not at Stanford this year, so not as many people will be able to go.”

Bad Boys...whacha gonna do when they come for you?

The Stanfurd Store got a wrist slap for selling "Cal Sucks" T-shirts (hat tip - the Daily Clog...you'll also find a link to the Cal Student Store's own T-shirt):

Due to University licensing agreements, the Stanford Store has decided to replace the traditionally vulgar “Cal Sucks” T-shirts with a more G-rated selection — “Beat Cal.”

According to Bennett Hauser ‘10, general manager of the Stanford Store, the University handles its licensing externally through the Collegiate Licensing Company. Anyone hoping to sell Stanford gear is required to receive the licensing company’s approval.

“CLC is a trademark licensing agent,” said Susan Weinstein, manager of Stanford’s trademark licensing program. “This means that various universities and other institutions hire CLC to license their trademarks to third parties who wish to put them on T-shirts and other merchandise.”

Stanford’s contract with the CLC stipulates that Stanford merchandise cannot defame any other CLC client without consent from both sides. Since UC-Berkeley also licenses through the CLC, the “Cal Sucks” shirts were deemed a breach of contract.

“[Last year], we simply didn’t know that we couldn’t produce any garments defaming Cal,” Hauser said. “The CLC and both universities were understanding about our error last year, and let us off with minor penalties — a $1,000 fine, confiscation of extras and a royalty payment to Berkeley of eight percent of revenues. The repercussions would likely be much worse for those who do not regularly work with the CLC.”

The Student Store saw “Beat Cal” as the best alternative design to choose. Hauser actually expects the change to increase sales, citing the new designs as “inclusive” toward easily offended Stanford community members.

The Farm Daily issues Big Game "Guidelines"

Just some pointers for the uneducated masses:

If all of this is too hard, just use common sense — if a Stanford student runs a long way or catches the ball, that’s impressive, right? And it’s also a good thing in football.

Duh!

It is also necessary to know about The Play. If you know anything about football, you are probably familiar the story, but here it is in a nutshell: At the end of Big Game in 1982 with only four seconds left on the clock, Cal managed to lateral (i.e., throw horizontally) the football five times to score a touchdown and win the game — after the Band had already rushed the field. This was a less-than-proud moment for everyone involved, and, unfortunately, visiting teams love to remind us of it by attempting to replicate it as Notre Dame did at one point during last Saturday’s game. We do not find this funny.

Cal fans find it very funny. Isn't copying the highest form of flattery?

A Cal Grad answers questions from the uneducated masses

You will note the high degree of elitism from Farm types. And the author definitely will be in politics someday, judging from the answers. From today's Stanfraud Daily:

Q. It only seems fitting that you are a dirty Cal student, as that school yields nothing more than a derelict collection of unwashed masses.

A. It’s true — we are indeed unwashed. This is because Cal students, to preserve our exquisite skin, actually take dust baths, like chinchillas. Bathing ourselves in fine volcanic ash, we remove excess oil and moisture from our skin, while also protecting ourselves from lice and mites. We eschew the traditional practice of washing not because we are unclean vermin, but because we care about the quality of our skin, as washing is an excessively harsh treatment. Feel the difference for yourself — next time you see me, rub a finger along an exposed part of my skin, and experience the silky smooth exterior of a Cal student.

[snip]

Q. Which school has more attractive people: Stanford or Cal?

A. In absolute numbers, you will probably find more attractive people at Cal than at Stanford. And some argue that Cal students are objectively hotter — there have been some articles about how Stanford students have less sex than other university students, and maybe it’s because you find less people you want to have sex with =( . But I’m very pleased with what I see around Stanford campus, and Stanford students seem to be more physically fit than Cal students.

Q. GO F*%$ YOURSELVES STANFORD MOTHERF%@&#*$.

A. Right on, brother.

Q. Why are Cal students so much more into the rivalry between the two schools?

A. I agree, Cal students generally do take it more seriously than intended. With all of the vilifying of Stanford students that takes place, you would think that y’all are demonspawn whose presence taints and corrupts the earth, on par with people convicted of crimes against humanity. The Rally Committee at Cal is especially bad — some of those people would probably sacrifice themselves to the gods if it meant stopping a Stanford sporting victory.

You know why Cal students put so much energy into the rivalry? Because they want some attention. For whatever reason they are feeling unloved, so do a good deed at this year’s Big Game and give a Cal student a hug.

25 years later - the hoax

Still one of the funniest pranks. I went to LA for Thanksgiving the day this paper was placed in the Daily Cal newstands (if I recall correctly, the "real" Daily Cal was not published that week, adding to the confusion). People told me that women were crying after reading the headline. Thanks to my roommate at the time, I received an original.


If you hurry, there is a copy up for bid on eBay right now.

UPDATE: The Fake Daily Cal sold on eBay for $510.00. I need to increase my insurance.

farm apathy

From the sinfurd daily:

Two nights before the biggest football game of the year, about 200 generally ambivalent students stood in the frigid air at the base of a lit-up, red Hoover Tower for a pep rally that wasn’t very peppy.

Only two years ago, when the football team entered Big Game with a 4-6 record, the whole fountain area in between the Tower and Memorial Auditorium overflowed with spirited fans. But, this year, it was quiet enough to hear cell phones ringing.

Someone want to explain to me what this next quote means?

“After Gaieties, I got excited about the game again,” said sophomore James Barton. “They have chicken strips and red lights. How could it be more Stanford?”

stanfurd banned, Part IV

Hmmm...stanfurd band alums may be the problem...from the Palo Alto Daily News.

Following their season of probation, the Stanford Band will not be permitted to play a field show.

Band spokesman and trumpet player Chris Holt said he believed this was the first time the band had been relegated to the bleachers for the Big Game.

[snip]

Restrictions placed on the band this fall also include barring any alumni or local residents from playing with them.

Band manager Adam Cohen said traditionally 20 to 30 non-students join the band's ranks at the Big Game.

"It's a big loss," he said.

[snip]

Although he had not received an official explanation for the alumni ban, he had heard that some of the band's "disorderliness might be due to the fact that the alumni were around.

"Some people found that alumni were a bad influence by perpetuating stories about the old days," he said.

In an editorial in the stanfurd rag:

At the same time, the Band needs to ensure that its sense of humor is not destructive. Somewhere along the line, its shenanigans just stopped being funny. [rallybear - that line was crossed in 1892] Banned from several major airlines and multiple public places, the Band has long had a reputation for being irreverent almost to the point of disrespect. Over the years, it managed to walk the fine line between legal trouble and creative humor, and is still well-loved on campus as one of the few remaining bastions of gleeful audacity. However, the recent vandalism of its own Shak speaks volumes about the extent to which the Band has spiraled out of control.

stanfurd banned, Part III

Letter to the rag they call the Daily: Go to Big Game

This is a call to arms. We here at the Stanford Band have been in stealth mode for much of the quarter, but we’d like to speak to you today with the greatest enthusiasm and honesty. Our apparent absence has all been part of our master plan. We hoped to lull the enemies of humor and fun into a false sense of security, but lo! Now our grandiose plan is to be unfurled: Just when the Weenies think we have been defeated, just when they think the Cardinal fans have grown silent and apathetic, just when Oski was about to stuff his face with another donut — we strike. A musical assault for all history and time will occur on Saturday. The Band will invade the Big Game, equipped with a full complement of dollies and a mighty Tree. Though the powers-that-be deem our field shows to be too lethal a weapon against Cal, we’re still going to bring the funk. Hard.

But we hope not to be alone in the sea of overzealous crazed Weenie fans. We need your help. For many of us, this is our last Big Game. But you may be saying to your yourselves: “Why, why would I want to join this suicidal assault on a stadium stacked with chagrined UC scoundrels? I have an IHUM paper to do.” No, you don’t. Here is our promise to you, the student body: we will do all of your IHUM papers and problem sets if you go to Big Game and be generally rowdy. Not “Jump during ‘All Right Now’ and sit down” rowdy. We mean shouting, creative and psychotic cheers, standing on your seat, paint-your-face-with-goats-blood rowdy. The Band, after playing at Big Game and a week’s worth of rallies will sit down and write your papers. We’ve checked with the dean of students, this is completely kosher with the honor code.

So join our ranks this Saturday. Be there as we witness the greatest thing ever and we take back what is ours. The Band knows our football team has a better game plan than our own to win the day; they only ask your help in bringing the funk.

To arms and Go Cardinal!

The Band

First grade inflation, and now cheating? And they think they are better than Us?

stanfurd banned, Part II

The stanfoo stumbling band will be at the Big Game, but will not perform. I'm undecided if this is good news for my ears or bad news to the tradition. I think I'll take the good news.

According to [Associate Dean of Students Chris] Griffith, the Band is scheduled to participate in a number of Big Game activities, including events with the Cal Band in San Francisco and celebrations on campus. The Band is also scheduled to travel to Cal for Big Game, but it will not perform a field show.

Band Drum Major Bryan Schell, a senior, said he was disappointed that the Band will not be able to “make other people happy” by performing a field show at Big Game.

“It would really be awesome to create some fun for the Stanford fans out there, who will be surrounded by a sea of blue and gold angry belligerent hatred,” Schell said. “However, we are going to take full advantage of the small amount of time we still have in the stands to show that we can still bring the funk.” -stanfurd daily

"Make other people happy"?

stanfurd band used "get out of jail free" card

The Santa Clara County DA's office dropped charges to lsjumb band members that allegedly trashed their temporary Band Shak over the summer.

However...the farm's Daily, in its sub-headline, said that the stanfurd banned will not be able to perform during halftime at the Big Game.

"We believe there is insufficient evidence for us to prove the case beyond a reasonable doubt unanimously to a jury,'' [Deputy District Attorney] Boyarsky said.

Stanford News Service Director Elaine Ray said the band remains on something akin to double-secret probation, which the university calls "indefinite provisional status.'' -Palo Alto Daily News.

"Double-secret probation"? What is this...Animal House?

Axe Committee - creepy

From the rag they call the sinfurd daily. Full article here.

Silly kids, there’s more to a football game than a football game. The Superbowl has sweet commercials. The Cowboys have sweet cheerleaders. And Big Game... well, Big Game has The Axe Committee.

Think back to freshman year (for you freshmen this shouldn’t be that hard). Remember orientation: the new surroundings, the energetic people, the excitement of your classmates. Now dig a little deeper. Remember the creepy upperclassman wearing an old man Stanford cardigan leading a shockingly morbid cadence about slashing necks or something to that degree? Remember the awkward silence that followed? Well that, my Daily friends, is the Stanford Axe committee, and Big Game Week is their time to shine.

[snip]

But did you know that the handle of the original Axe was made out of Leland Stanford Junior’s wooden leg? And that Axe committee alumni include the likes of Chelsea Clinton, Paul McCartney, and the guy who played Yoda in Star Wars? And that the Axe Committee kidnapped the Lindberg baby? (At this point, our editors would like us to interject that we’re compulsive liars and none of these facts is really “true.” Carry on.)

[snip]

Alright, something true about the Axe Committee: They’re creepy.

'Nuff said.

Proofing Error

You can see a glaring error in this simple one-sentence opinion in today's furd Daily. The correction is "Be at Cal!"

spamford Daily prediction of Big Game

A prediction of the Big Game is in today's edition of the farm's newspaper, although it has nothing to do with football. Rather, it has to do with attributes from each school.

Cal players begin the game by bragging to Stanford players about the abundant assortment of cheap and greasy off-campus, hole-in-the-wall food joints. They describe wondrous places such as Zachary’s, Top Dawg, Fat Slice, Fenton’s, the Asian Ghetto and more: a murderer’s row (literally, the food in some joints can probably kill you) of eateries. Propelled by the greasy food, Cal rushes off to a quick touchdown. 7-0 Cal.

[snip]

Stanford players realize that University Avenue is a dream...for rich yuppies who wish they were college students. Plus, Berkeley doesn’t just shut down after bedtime. Demoralized by the Bear’s superior off-campus accommodations, the Stanford defense allows another touchdown, making it 14-0 Cal. Wait, I thought Buddy Teevens left Stanford...

[snip]

Throughout their years, Cal players have been told that Stanford looks like a Taco Bell — a really nice Taco Bell. Mystified by Stanford’s actual beauty, the Bears’ defense gives up another touchdown and Stanford rolls into halftime with a 17-14 lead.

Heading into the second half, Cal fans bring the crazy. They absolutely hate us. You can wear a Go Cal shirt here; you probably shouldn’t wear anything resembling red at Cal. Stanford has some crazy sports fans (see Sixth Man Club), but even if we win Big Game, I can’t see Stanford fans tearing down the goalpost, running it down University and performing in some animalistic ritual like Cal fans did three years ago. Fearing slaughter from their fans, the Cal offense runs down the field for a 21-17 lead.

They probably deserve another field goal because I expect some Cal kid to assassinate me once he reads this full column. 24-17, Cal.

[snip]

To start off the quarter, Jeff Tedford shows his team a clip of “The Play,” and on another extremely odd, special teams play involving the Stanford Band, the Bears reach the endzone. But like its 1982 counterpart, this play should have been nullified thrice. The ball doesn’t lie. Cal misses the extra point. Cal 30-25.

[snip]

Stanford remembers it is “Quarterback U” and thus brings in the retired John Elway to lead a march for a game-tying field goal.

But Cal uses the Axe to cut through the Stanford defense. 37-30 Cal.

Cal is about to ice the game when former Stanford provost turned Secretary of State Condelezza Rice uses her connections with the CIA to kidnap Tedford and replace him with Tom Holmoe. Holmoe does what he does best and lets the Cardinal score an easy game-tying touchdown.

The Big Game goes to overtime, and Stanford is on offense first.

Then the author goes off on some preposterous prediction that the farm will win in overtime. Someone's gotta tell the author that traders at tradesports.com are assigning a 63% probability that the Bears will win.

Idle hands are the devil's playground

According to the stanfoo daily:

The rivalry between Stanford and UC-Berkeley was unleashed last week in anticipation of Saturday’s Big Game when groups of Stanford students recaptured several baseball home plates lost to a Cal fraternity, turned a Cal fountain bright cardinal and painted red the letter C on a Bear hillside.

[snip]

The same group later attempted to recolor the letter C on the grassy hillside near Bowles Hall, the participant said. Three-quarters of the letter had been sprayed from yellow to red when they had to flee because some Cal students discovered the action and were calling the police.

Although the mission was not fully accomplished, the student seemed content with his groups’ achievements.

“The rivalry [between Stanford and Cal] has been pretty one-sided,” he said, referring to the lack of response on Stanford’s part to Berkeley’s repeated pranks. “The Cal kids are the ones who really care about the rivalry. But we decided to get back at them this year.”

Slow news day on the farm, I guess.

They have to give stuff away to promote furd sprirt.

A Daily sinfurd article is practically begging students to show their spirit this week. The ways they are attracting people?

- The "Beat-a-Bear" giveaway, where teddy bears are given away in order to be destroyed.

- Gaieties, which is now being advertised to run under two-hours and a better sound system which will enable attendees to hear jokes about the farm's uber-donor, will feature free beer and wine for "over-21 seniors".

- After the Gaities show on Friday evening is the rally at Hoover Tower, "with free food and T-shirts and appearances by the Band and football team. This event experienced a complete transformation last year and went from approximately 100 attendants to 1,300. It promises to be even more popular this year."

With free food and t-shirts, you hope they get more than 1,300. At our rallies, we get anywhere between 8,000 to 13,000 people. Do the math.