Blue & Gold Red Staters

The California Patriot, "Berkeley's Conservative Voice" came out with its November edition of its magazine, with a few articles about Big Game (check out the pdf version with cooler graphics). One of them is entitled Study yields unsurprising results; Evidence points to Cal’s superiority, Stanford’s deficiencies.

The widely anticipated 19-year study by the Foundation to Understand the Ridiculously inDisputable (FURD) concluded last week. Scientists and educators were left duly amused upon hearing the conclusion announcing UC Berkeley as indeed better in every aspect than Stanford. Many complained about having to attend the ceremony because such results had been anticipated from the very start, according to the survey “Is FURD necessary?” in October 2000.

According to the study, 76.5 percent of Stanford students felt that “they were better serving their school by wiping floors and serving slop.” When students at Berkeley were asked if they agreed with this statement, only 3.8 percent would even stop to answer in the negative; the remainder had to be taken to Berkeley Alta Bates Hospital for a lack of oxygen from laughter.

In the Cal vs. Stanfurd fact section:

Scientists at the Lawrence Berkeley National Lab have discovered 13 chemical elements since 1940, including, of course, berkelium, californium, lawrencium and seaborgium. Two additional elements, americium and curium, were discovered in Chicago by a Berkeley team. Stanfurd has discovered a nice, round zero-nium.

These articles almost made me re-register as a Republican.